Friday, December 11, 2009

We Can All Learn from Tiger Tiger Woods Yall!

Well well well. Mr. Eldrick Woods has got the internet going nuts (c) Paul Wall. Seems like everyday since Elin Woods took a putter to Tiger's forehead, a new skeezer has popped out of the woodwork to publicly proclaim that Tiger has been serving them that good Cablanasian penile. Most of us are shocked at just how strong Tiger's pimp hand is. We're finding out all types of awkward salacious tidbits about the golfer's sex life but I think we're finding out so much more about ourselves. Here are some things I've learned while watching the Tiger Woods debacle unfold.

1) Hoe-shit is aye-ok, just don't get caught.

"Leave Tiger alone. Everybody cheats, he just got caught." Oh, how many times have I heard this over the last couple of weeks? As a society we have sanctioned infidelity. It is nothing to be shocked about or even ashamed of anymore. Don't worry about knocking up another chick or bringing home some deadly disease to your family, just don't get caught. And getting caught probably wouldn't even be a big deal if these fools weren't worried about having to pay Nas-Kelis type money after the divorce. Marriage is such a joke in this country. (see: I Pity The Fool)

2) We make excuses for celebs.

"Oh, you don't understand what it's like to be the world's most recognizable athlete. Think about all the pressure he's under." Ok, Tiger's under a lot of pressure, so what's your cheating ass excuse? PEOPLE cheat on their significant others EVERYDAY and it has nothing to do with a Nike contract. Tiger Woods is a man and should be held accountable as one. Stop making excuses for that fool.

3) Domestic violence is ok when a woman is doing the beating.

If Tiger had gone after Elin with a GOLF CLUB, he'd get the OJ treatment, straight up. She goes after him with a golf club and we make jokes. Resorting to violence to settle a dispute is not ok, ever, no matter what you're packing in your pants. Why don't we understand this???

4) We don't expect much from our men.

Self control is beyond them in our eyes. It is simply too much to ask a man to not sleep around. I don't think this is true. These are MEN, not children. They have a choice in what they stick their dicks in. How about y'all choose to stick it in YOUR WIFE instead of any ol' blonde working at Starbucks?

I was listening to the 2 Live Stews one day and a caller says, "Lebron, do NOT marry that girl until your career is over!" Riiiiiiiiiight... because Lebron James doesn't have control of his body while he's playing in the NBA? So, you want him sleeping around now and then going back to Cleveland to lay-up with his live-in girlfriend and mother of his two children? (She's gorgeous, by the way. I just adore them as a couple!) We should be encouraging family building and discouraging dangerous and destructive activities like sleeping with random broads on the road. Am I missing something?

5) Sleeping with another woman's husband isn't worthy of disdain and should be flaunted.

*cough* Alicia Keys *cough* All of these women couldn't WAIT to get on TV and tell the tale of how they slept with the very married Tiger Woods. I think something has to be awry in your life to sleep with another woman's husband in the first place but you REALLY need help if you are proud enough to go public with it. When did home wrecking become cute? Why aren't we calling these whores what they are? Nooooooo... yall want to interview them and give them their 15 minutes... We encourage this mess when we stop calling a spade a spade or in this case, a tramp a tramp.

I hope Tiger and his family get it together. I gave up on him after the whole Cablanasian thing, so I'm not hopeful. The outlook is especially bleak since he paid Elin $80 MILLION to stay with him... Paying someone to be with you? [sigh] Oh, Tiger... That's another discussion for another day. For now, how about we all focus on being faithful to our partners and saving ourselves all the unnecessary drama (and money in some cases). If you can't do that, just stay single, folks!

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