Thursday, October 1, 2009

Don't Save 'Em! S. Lake's Guide to Spotting a Gold Digger

Fresh off the joining in "holy" matrimony of NBA player Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian (what is her title exactly?) it is becoming more and more apparent that high profile guys and girls either don't care about getting with a gold digger or don't know how to spot one. It's awfully hard to believe that after being in the game for more than a day you wouldn't be able to spot the money hungry, but we continue to see millionaires hooking up with people that are clearly in it for the loot. Some of these fools are clearly making a choice to turn a blind eye while their mate digs in them pockets but some of these cats are just gullible. I borderline feel sorry for the naive men and women who suddenly come into fame and money and are then forced to decipher the real from the fake with no experience, so I came up with S. Lake's Guide to Spotting a Gold Digger to help them out. It's pretty common sense but hey, common sense aint common. Here we go! (FYI: I'm addressing men for the most part in this post but it applies to women as well. Gold digging knows no gender! Also, even if you don't have gold digger issues now, you might hit the lotto tomorrow, so read it anyway!

1) No job/career = No can do!

THE SYMPTOMS: The goal is to identify the person who is most likely to date you solely for your income or celebrity. Let's be honest about this. "Aspiring" models, singers, actors, etc. have the most to gain from dating a celebrity. Be wary of anyone trying to break into your field or a field related to yours. There is probably an ulterior motive there! If you're dating the unemployed or someone in a dead end job, you clearly have "Captain Save-A-Hoe" written on your forehead. The motive is clear in this case and you might need to take some time away from dating to read a book. This point may seem elementary but look at Kanye West and Amber Rose... Yeah, no further explanation needed. 

THE REMEDY: Date women with REGULAR JOBS. (I'm biased but it's true). Even chicks established in the industry can be diggers... they will date you, not for money, but for publicity. A teacher doesn't care about that mess, she's trying to get lil' Ray Ray to stop saying "polices." "Police" is already plural, Ray Ray!!

2) Are her actions screaming at you?

THE SYMPTOMS: It is imperative that you assess the circumstances under which you met your potential mate. Where did you meet them and what were they doing? Bumming drinks in VIP? Hmmm... Oh, so you met her through a friend? How is it that she knows the man next to THE man? Ok, so you met her at the gym. Is she steady dropping names and telling you about who she knows? Is she obsessed with designer labels and "the finer things"? How much of her time is spent dreaming about "the good life"? These are things you have to pay attention to while you're rapping a chick up for the first time. 

THE REMEDY: Clearly not every chick in the club is a gold digger. Many women just want to drop down low and sweep the flo wit it sometimes. But if the broad is all in VIP in your face rather than doing her own thing, she might be a digger. Check for the chicks that are having a good time rather than sweating you. Check for the chicks who have something to talk about OTHER than what money and celebrity can bring. Ladies don't want no Shallow Hal, so fellas, stay away from the Shallow Sistas. 

3) Birds of a feather...

THE SYMPTOMS: We all know the saying, "Birds of a feather flock together." Generally, this is true so it would behoove you to take a look at her homegirls before deciding to wife a chick. If your boy has run up in all of her friends... RUN! If her crew knows the bouncers at the club on a first name basis... WATCH OUT! If her friends are dating athletes or entertainers... ACTIVATE THAT SIDE EYE!

THE REMEDY: Every girl has at least one rat friend but if ALL of her friends fail the gold digger test, keep your eyes open. Take a look at her crew. If they're not sweating you like your ish don't stink, she might have a well grounded circle and is more likely NOT to be a jersey chaser.

4) Is she a Ride or Die Chick or just a Digger?

THE SYMPTOMS: I'm not really one for shacking up but if that's your thing, go for it, but BE CAREFUL. If she's extra eager to drop everything to become totally dependent on you... that's not cute, that's a digger! Don't be fooled thinking she wants to be closer to you... that broad just don't wanna work! Does she have her own identity? Does she want you to create one for her? Open your eyes, sir! This goes hand in hand with point #1. A chick with no job and/or real career goals will be more willing to leave it all to mooch. A woman with goals outside of getting wifed by a millionaire may have some reservations about abandoning her dreams to sit front row at Fashion Week. 

THE REMEDY: Nothing is more important than finding a mate who has goals and is actively chasing them rather than chasing another person's pockets. If you can find a chick who is focused on completing a task, whether it's grad school, writing a book (not the Super Head kind, though), or getting that promotion, she's less likely to dig for your gold and dig for her own. 
THE BOTTOM LINE: Stop tricking on sight! Get to know a chick before you wife her, spend your cheese, or raw dog! (Who does that anyway??? *cough* Lil Wayne *cough*) And if you'd stop rationing the D out like government cheese (© Alexyss K. Tylor) you'd be less likely to get whipped by a digger. Here's an idea, get to know a chick before you bed her. So if your going to be sprung you can at least be sprung off a real woman and not a gold digger. 

Ok, that's all I got. If you know of any other ways to spot a gold digger, post in the comments and help these fools out!

1 comment:

  1. No other recommendations. I think you covered it well. The only problem is they want them! Next post..Self-Assessment, Why do you want a gold digger?